He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
