dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
