I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
