Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
