dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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