She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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