D3 body, D1 cock
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
