Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
