I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
