I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
NoShamevember. You game?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
