i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
