yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
