Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
