I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
