Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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