just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
