Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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