our cab driver is having phone sex.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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