she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
