and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
