Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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