Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
