she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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