Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
