You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
