I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
