"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Randomize
