Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
