laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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