Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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