i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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