Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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