I'm gonna have a badass scar
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I am available for nakedness
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
