I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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