ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
