I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
