He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
