I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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