this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
