I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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