this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
