Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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