so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
