u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
you never un-have a 4some
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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