im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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