big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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