I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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