my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
