yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Mom said you looked used
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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