I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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