This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
