His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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