My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
